“…he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” – Proverbs 11:25
I used to believe that happiness consisted in how much material abundance I could possess, how well known and liked I was, how much entertainment I could enjoy, or how comfortable my circumstances were. I remember dedicating time and effort to ensuring that these things needed to happen in order to feel true fulfillment.
However, underneath all of these motivations was a constant stress and anxiety. I didn’t understand why joy was lacking in my life when I thought it was joy I was going after in all of these pursuits! What happened to this whole “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” deal?
Why wasn’t I happy?!
And was it wrong for me to even want to be happy?
I attended church, studied the Bible day in and day out, dedicated time to prayer, and spent time around other like minded people (and no I’m not knocking people that do that). Still there was an underlying stress inside of me… of course with the occasional, temporal spurts of excitement and happiness. However, they were often short lived when troublesome circumstances and difficulties started to kick in again.
Religious activity, for me, became a drug that soon wore off.
What was the problem?
Aren’t I doing all of the “right” things?
Why so much unhappiness then?
Over the last few years as I began to analyze myself – my motivations, perceptions, beliefs, etc – I began to realize that “I” was the center of all of this activity. Even underneath the religious rhetoric was an obsession with “self”. Yes it’s very possible to do all the right religious activities, speak the religious lingo, and know religious information – with “I” at the center. It’s very possible to even appear to be giving, but at the center of it all is an ego addiction.
Individualistic spirituality…the left hand telling the right hand what it’s doing (see Matthew 6:1-3). The goal being all brought back to the selfish trinity of me, myself, and I.
So what happened? I started to question more. I stopped theorizing and started realizing (yeah I had to throw a little rhyme in there). I began to challenge my own belief systems and intents. And through this process of digging, I become conscious of many of these issues within me. (And thankfully I have a wife who is also very blunt and truthful about things she sees in me as well! So much of my own growth is attributed to her.)
I started to see that at the root of a lot of my own pain and anxiety was my lack of compassion and “other-centeredness”.
So I opened up my heart and mind to the Spirit of empathy (a scary thing to do when you’re holding on to your male ego!) And as this self examination took place, the light began to shine in. And the words of Jesus began to become very real:
“It is more blessed (literally, happiness and wholeness) to give than to receive.” – Jesus
More happeness in giving than receiving?
When happiness is all about receiving – what the “I” can needily get from others, such as attention or admiration – and when “I” separate my own well-being from the well-being and happiness of others, then happiness is the last thing I’ll get.
When my problems, my drama, my dreams, my hopes, my goals, my insights, my gifts, my ambitions – me, me and me – become the center…then more anguish is inevitable (a hell on earth to create!). You will live life fearful, paranoid of what people think of you or add to you, and avoiding pain at all costs .
Agreeing with the words of Jesus, the Dalai Lama once said “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
Neuroscientific research studies have also shown that tapping into the “compassionate” part of our brains has dramatic effects on our own happiness as well as our physical health. Compassion is medicine for the soul!
Happiness doesn’t come by running away from the world’s sufferings and sticking to our own pleasures and pursuits, but entering into their pain and realizing how our joy is directly connected to their joy.
We are all brothers and sisters on this planet, and we are all victims and slaves of an economic and political system being built on greed, arrogance, and deceit as well as a society that labels, judges, and divides.
What do we do then? Become afraid, self-centered, and shrinking away in our homes from the pain of our world? Or do we open up our hearts, seeking to be a servant to others, hoping to somehow alleviate the anguish they are facing in their own lives, and realizing we’re together in this? Happiness is tied to to the latter!
Happiness is not a wrong pursuit…but there are actually wrong ways to pursue it! This is rooted in the fact that so many make efforts to pursue happiness in misguided ways only to end life miserable, feeling they’ve wasted their time and energy.
Happiness starts with your own surroundings. It’s easy to want to be heroic to the world and take on the “big projects” to be charitable, but I find that the best (and usually the most important) place to start is your own family, your own co-workers, your own neighbors, your own community.
Jesus said to “love your neighbor as YOUR SELF” You can theorize these words all day. You can pull out a Bible concordance and look up the Greek meaning of it all you want. But you won’t experience the depth and reality (and happiness!) of it till you actually start to act on it, and see others as your own self.
I assure you that happiness will come into your life by stepping out into the life of Compassion. You will discover an “inexpressible joy” and contentment that you never thought possible when you wake up and meditate on the well-being of the world becoming your own. Your own self-discovery is tied to the relationship you have with this world. Your own happiness is tied to the happiness of this world. We aren’t separate from each other.
Pursue happiness… just pursue it the right way.
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